Newsletter from Jay Wilcox - September 2024 - On Fellow Travelers

Good morning/afternoon/evening!

Early in our relationship, Hannah asked me to do a trust fall. "Fall back into my arms," she said. "I'll catch you."

Now, if memory serves, I made her stand with the bed behind her, so that when my Unrestrainable Hulking Mass inevitably sent her sprawling, nobody would get a head injury. Sure enough, we fell. I can't confirm the finer details of this memory, as I may have experienced some whiplash, but it stands out in my mind as a metaphor for society.

Hear me out.

Whatever your political alignment, you want to feel like you can count on other people. I mean, what's the alternative? Living in a world where we don't trust anyone? We get on the highway hoping every other driver is being their best, most careful selves. Thus, we tend to get angry when we see a driver texting or swerving or tailgating, failing to uphold their end of the social contract. One could argue that it's nobody's business what a driver does in their own car, but that argument falls apart when you consider how many others share the road.

Growing up, we're introduced to society's prescribed paths--the lanes and boundaries of a "successful" life. Get a degree. Get a job. Get married. Have children. These paths are obviously not for everyone, but we're familiar with these pressures, this prayer from those around us that we'll move in ways that are predictable and safe. I don't advocate for conformity. However, as I get older, I sympathize more with the drivers around me. Whether you're more liberal or conservative, you almost certainly feel some desire for communal security--the ability to anticipate and understand the actions of your neighbor, counting on them in hard times.

A polarized country wants trust. I mean this in two ways. First, consider "wants" to mean "lacks." A lot of our polarization comes from doubt, a sidelong glance toward those people down the street. How can they vote that way? What the hell's wrong with them? However, an alternative meaning of "wants" is "yearns for." We ache to trust our communities. If we're able to turn our back on a neighbor, it should be as a sort of trust fall, an act of faith in their ability to catch us.

I'm not over here singing kumbaya. The truth between two poles is not always in the middle. Rather, I write to preserve my own sanity--to tease out the wants and values of those different from me. I do believe, perhaps defiantly, that we're more alike than we are different.

Also, I should add that Hannah has performed several successful trust falls since the aforementioned example. She's super strong, and I can always count on her.

As always, thank you for reading. I hope you've been well.

Infinite Regards,

Jay